Is the size of your stomach a medical condition?
I had been in binge eating disorder recovery for 2 years. I was working HARD to make peace with my body and learn to accept myself. And quit dieting.
Part of the “making peace with food” part meant that I was legalizing a lot of previously forbidden things (read: binge foods) so they lost their power over me.
It worked like magic -- buy Oreos every time you go to the store, give yourself full permission to eat them whenever you want, and suddenly (and miraculously!) you realize you don’t even like them anymore.
There’s a bit of an uncomfortable period, though, when you are eating WAY more of those foods than you have ever allowed yourself before -- and it’s scary. And many people gain weight during this process.
Just like I did.
It sucked, because I had been so attached to the idea that I needed to be thin to be happy, successful, confident...even loved.
But I stayed the course....working my way toward accepting this new self and releasing the old ideas I had about thinness and self-worth. Liberating, wonderful stuff.
I’m feeling brave and excited about my new life of freedom.
And, then…
“Is the size of your stomach a medical condition?”
An innocent question by someone who was genuinely curious.
Progress = screeching halt.
It felt like someone had punched me in the gut. I literally spent that day in a daze, glaring at myself in the mirror, turning from side to side -- is it THAT big? Am I a freak? Is there something wrong with me??
OMG wouldn’t it be great if it WAS a medical condition? Maybe I’m one of those people with a giant tumor growing inside me and the doctors will just remove it and suddenly I’ll be skinny and be featured on a reality show called, “I Thought I Was Fat, But it Was Just a Giant Tumor.”
But alas...there’s nothing wrong with me. Medically or otherwise.
This is just how my body stores fat. This is just what I look like.
All bodies are good bodies. People come in all shapes and sizes. You can pursue health and happiness at every size.
AND…
I also believe that my body is really good at protecting me. I know that my physiology changes in response to emotional upset. I know that my belly gets bigger when I’m scared.
Isn’t it crazy to think about it like that -- maybe it’s not just what you eat, how you exercise, or what genes you were blessed [cursed] with!
Maybe your body ALSO responds to your experiences in the world. Maybe it’s trying to help you get through some really tough times, protect you from bad things, or send you a clear message about something.
Maybe your body is wise and helpful and supportive, and shifts in your shape mean something other than that you are a gluttonous maniac who can’t stop eating.
Maybe the shape of your body -- and the size of my stomach -- isn’t a medical condition, but an emotional condition. An emotional COMFORT, even! A shelter, a sanctuary, a refuge!
Isn’t that an enormous relief? Can’t you feel the tension flowing out of your body even as we speak? Shoulders softening, ab muscles relaxing, back releasing.
And maybe, just maybe, if you tuned into your body and its signals and changes, you would understand more about yourself, your emotions, and your needs. And you’d be willing to explore the emotions and energy in your life and make actual improvements.
Maybe rather than raging against your current body, or trying to find quick and easy ways to “fix” it, you could embrace it, explore it, engage with it, touch it, thank it, support it, and maybe even love it,
And you’d learn to take excellent care of your body, and listen to it, and give it what it’s asking for without accidentally thinking that it’s shape or size defines you in any way other than to make you more insightful, peaceful, and unique.
And maybe during the process you’d realize that it’s safe for you to accept yourself thoroughly, immediately, and unconditionally, and walk around with a smile on your face every day because self-love is the greatest feeling on Earth.
God, I love my body.
Love, Teddey
