Why is it so hard to change your life?

When I was in health coach school, I learned that keeping your blood pH stable is one of the most important things your body does. If your blood gets too acidic or too alkaline, all manner of horrible things can happen, including a swift and unpleasant death.

Since rebalancing your blood pH is so essential, your body will actually do things that are really bad for you – like leaching calcium out of your bones – in order to accomplish that goal. The top priority for your body is homeostasis…aka keeping things from changing.

This is true for both your physiology AND your psychology. It’s an evolutionary advantage to be complacent and keep your personality, relationships, and social interactions stable. The caveperson who suddenly screwed up their courage and ventured off to explore unknown caves was certainly at huge risk compared to the one who hunkered down by the fire and laughed politely at cousin Grog’s terrible mammoth jokes.

The reason it’s so hard to change the way you think and behave is because we are wired not to. Keeping things the way they are is literally in our DNA. So when your super smart logical brain comes up with an idea that will surely improve your life in some way, your subconscious mind slides in and goes, “Not so fast, superstar!” and sabotages your progress to keep you safe. You certainly know that feeling of literally just not being able to do the thing you KNOW you should do.

Your survival brain fears the unknown. So when you try to do new things, you’re constantly swimming upstream. Your very powerful subconscious mind is clearly telling you to knock it off and sit back down. And most of the time, you do! Success in any area of your life will not come from forcing yourself outside of your comfort zone or pushing through the pain. That kind of progress relies on sheer will power and isn’t sustainable (or fun!). 

Real, long-term, pleasant, exciting, surprising change comes from making the unknowns known. It’s that simple. You have to reprogram the part of your brain that doesn’t recognize the new habit or income level or version of yourself that you want to attain. You have to incrementally familiarize your brain with the new thing so it automatically gravitates toward that thing and makes your progress feel natural and easy.

EXAMPLE: Say you’re currently a happy couch potato, but you want to become one of those serious-looking cyclists in leave-nothing-to-the-imagination spandex shorts you see flying by your house every Saturday morning. Something about hunching over the handlebars at an unnatural angle and impeding the flow of traffic on every county road just sings to you, and, by god, you’re going to do it!

What’s the best way to make that happen? Right now, everything about that lifestyle is unknown. You have no idea what routes to ride, what kind of bike is best, how far to go, or where to buy those garish shiny jerseys with pockets in the back. 

If you just planned on hopping on your Huffy and folding in with the pack one weekend, not only would your hamstrings protest, but your subconscious brain would, too. You’d likely spend the whole week rehearsing all the reasons it was a terrible idea, and come Saturday morning, the allure of your cozy sheets would make the idea of becoming a cyclist seem like temporary insanity.

How would you program your subconscious mind to gravitate toward cycling? How could you make that big lifestyle change feel natural and easy? The key is incremental progress over a long period of time. Not one sudden burst of terrifying and unrealistic energy, but long-term baby-steps to make that totally unfamiliar lifestyle feel like a normal part of your life.

What would that look like? Maybe the first [safe, realistic] step would be joining a Facebook group for local cyclists. You could casually peruse the posts and get a feel for the community vibe. After that, perhaps you stop by the local cycle shop on your way home and have a folksy chat with the salesperson about the various bike options and get a feel for how big of a second mortgage you will need in order to properly outfit yourself.

By now, some of this cycling stuff is starting to feel familiar to you, right? Next, maybe you take some casual rides on your huffy around the neighborhood with your family to start getting in shape. After that, maybe you even feel brave enough to check out a spin class at the gym and chat up the woman next to you who clearly seems to know what she’s doing based on her eye-torturing fluorescent jersey. 

You might now feel inspired to watch some cycling videos on YouTube and check out a book about cycling training from the library. Perhaps each night before bed, you imagine yourself cruising down some lovely country road and picture how cute your butt will look in those tight bike shorts. And when someone posts about a short beginner ride in that Facebook group, perhaps you’re at a point where you feel perfectly comfortable jotting the date and location down in your calendar and telling your partner you’ll be unavailable to take the kids to gymnastics that morning.

See how you were able to gradually shift your thinking around this topic over a period of time? After 3 or 4 weeks of this incremental progress, you might think back to those couch-potato days and barely recognize yourself. You’ve made sustainable changes by making an unknown topic known, so your subconscious mind actually supports your progress and encourages you to keep going. You now feel like the kind of person who gets up early on Saturdays to enjoy a ride, rather than a sleepy Netflix-binger who sometimes watches cyclists out the window.

In order to really change, you need your survival brain to be on board. Whether you’re trying to make yourself choke down a green vegetable once a week, or work up your courage to apply for that big promotion, the first step is to reprogram that old, stodgy subconscious mind that’s trying to keep you around the campfire with cousin Grog.

PRO TIP: A simple way to start reprogramming is affirmations. Think of a short, positive, present-tense statement that your subconscious can absorb and feels right for you. Repeat it to yourself as often as possible, and write it down 10 times before bed. Stop complaining – it works.

Here are some examples:

I’m saying yes to vegetables.

I’m willing to change.

It’s safe for me to become a cyclist.

I’m becoming the best version of myself.

It’s safe for me to try new things.

I’m expanding and succeeding in all areas of my life.

I accomplish all my goals with ease.

I always have what I need.

I embrace new experiences.

I’m the kind of person who exercises regularly.

I love nourishing my body with nutrient-rich foods.

Love, Teddey

P.S. Sign up on the form below to get my free Inuitive Eating Affirmations to help jump start your peaceful relationship with food.