Why I had 13 Rabbits
There was a time in my life when I had 5 dogs and a newborn. And a full time job. Oh…and 13 rabbits.
When people gaped at this revelation, I would just shrug my shoulders and act like it wasn’t a big deal. To me, that level of chaos and stress felt totally normal.
My nervous system was absolutely programmed for continuous activation. In fact, it is still harder for me to relax and rest than it is to run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to put out fires. The idea of binge-watching a show or sitting through a whole movie literally makes me itch.
Even after I no longer had the rabbits and got down to 4 dogs, I still felt just as busy and stressed as I had before. And when there were only 2 dogs and the kids got older and more independent, still nothing changed inside me.
I can’t even begin to tell you how mind-blowing it was to realize that I was the source of the stress and chaos. Regardless of the circumstances of my life, I always felt the same: stressed and overwhelmed. And I was creating situations in my life to mirror the way I felt inside.
We all live with that idea that things will be better when…we have more money, get a better partner, move to a different house, finally lose the weight.
I definitely believed, down in the very mitochondria of my cells, that I would FINALLY be happy, successful, and confident once I got skinny. But years of starving myself and changing my body shape had about as much impact on my happiness as getting rid of those damn bunnies.
Yes, there were temporary pleasures – like being able to buy whatever clothes I wanted or always liking the way I looked in pictures. But after a couple months of living in a smaller body, the reality started to sink in that I was still the same insecure, stressed, unhappy person I had been before.
The reason getting thin didn’t make me happy is the same reason most lottery winners blow it all and end up worse off than they were before the win: the internal program hasn’t changed.
If you’re programmed to hate yourself, no amount of weight loss, makeup, or expensive clothes will relieve that pain.
If you believe deep down inside that money is complicated, difficult, or scarce, you will always make decisions in your life that confirm those beliefs.
If you have lived your whole life in stress and chaos, even Marie Kondo can’t get your shit together until you change that inner story.
I’ve spent years reprogramming my story. It is no longer true that no one wants to hear what I have to say. It is no longer true that I need to keep creating chaos in my life in order to feel productive. It is no longer true that my body needs to change so I can live the life I want to have.
There’s no magic bullet to do this work. You’re not going to read one book or recite the perfect affirmation or suddenly discover the answers by reading a brilliant blog post. But you can start doing the work today, right this moment, by thinking new thoughts.
You probably have some pretty unhelpful beliefs running your show right now. But a belief is just a thought you think over and over again. So start telling yourself a new story. Every time your brain hears a new thought, you’re shifting your story. You’re literally reprogramming.
You might be so entrenched in a belief right now that it seems like the most stubborn, permanent, impenetrable thing in the world. It’s not okay to be fat. I’m unlovable. I don’t deserve to be happy.
It’s probably so much a part of you that it feels like TRUTH. But it’s not. It’s just an idea you’ve had for so long that you believe it. Start dissecting it. Start asking questions. Start challenging yourself to think in new ways.
If I can have a normal number of pets and learn how to relax and watch a movie, you can have whatever you want, too.
Love, Teddey
P.S. I go deeper on this in a great conversation with my friend Jen Liddy, which you can hear here.
P.S. Send me a message if you want to hear the whole bunny story. It’s a tale of mistaken identity, forbidden love, heartbreak, and redemption.
