Why we don’t stick to our resolutions
It’s about this time of year when the lofty resolutions we so energetically embraced just a couple weeks ago start to feel like inevitable disappointments. Why is it so difficult to do the things we know we need to do in order to change our lives?
Have you ever considered what resolution actually means? It’s a decision to do or not do something. And I think many of us mistakenly called our goals New Year’s resolutions. Goals are the end results of our efforts. So, the resolution is the decision to act, and the goal is the intended outcome.
A goal can be super disempowering if the steps to reach it aren’t clearly outlined.
If your resolution [read: goal] was something like “improve my health,” unless you took the additional step to break it down into actionable behavior changes, then it’s relatively meaningless. If your goal is health improvement, your resolutions should have been something like “walk three times a week” or “eat at least one green veggie every day.”
“Make $200,000 this year” is a great goal, but you’ll never reach it unless your resolutions sounded like “Get a better job” or “Ask for a raise.”
The very concept of New Year’s resolutions is completely at odds with the way our brains actually work. We keep doing them because it feels exciting to think you are taking control of some part of your life that’s unsatisfying, but it’s impossible for us to maintain a high level of energy around something for the long term. Willpower is required to stay focused on doing something really difficult for any meaningful length of time, and we have a limited amount of it.
Ironically, flexibility is much more useful than discipline when it comes to making sustainable changes.
In order to really improve your life, the changes you make should be energizing rather than depleting, fit with your lifestyle, and not take too much of your time or attention away from your other priorities. You simply won’t have the energy, time, or mental bandwidth to stick to a rigid schedule for the long term, so success depends on you being able to weather the ups and downs and stay the course for the long-haul.
If you are planning on white-knuckling it through a difficult, painful life overhaul, it’s probably not going to work. Your brain will immediately resist the deprivation, and your willpower will run out long before you’re finished.
Positive change can come from a place of love and compassion – isn’t that mind-blowing? You can ADD things into your life that will make it better, rather than denying yourself comfort and pleasure. You can decide how you want things to be, and then make tiny, comfortable changes that add up to big transformation.
It’s all going to take time. There is no magic pill. I know no one wants to hear that, but it’s true. If you really want to change something in your life, make sure your resolutions are energizing, actionable steps that you can maintain without too much discomfort that will move you closer to your goal.
And if your resolution had anything to do with making your body smaller, I lovingly encourage you to read this piece about why intentional weight loss rarely works, and this one about why focusing on weight can actually be detrimental to health and wellbeing.
Love, Teddey
