Why Getting rid of “bad” habits is a bad strategy
I saw something on social media this morning that said all the good habits in the world won’t help you if you still have even just one bad habit. I’m assuming, in this case, that “bad” habits are ones that don’t contribute to building muscle or shrinking your body, based on the poster’s hashtags. The clear message was that you have to rid yourself of all “bad” habits before you’ll benefit from any good ones.
Isn’t it super disempowering to think that no matter what you do, you won’t succeed unless you’re essentially perfect? I mean, who exists in this world without any “bad” habits?
And while we’re at it, why do we need to label any of our habits “bad?” They exist for a reason, whether it be comfort, distraction, pleasure, numbing, or social connection, and they’re an important part of your life.
This literally means that you could start exercising, drink more water, eat more vegetables, start a meditation practice, make an appointment with your therapist, and start writing affirmations every morning, and none of it would matter as long as you had a glass of wine or three last night.
The takeaway message is that you can’t improve your life in any way until you completely rid yourself of any aspect that isn’t in pursuit of your goals. That means no more social media scrolling, no more drinks with friends, no more late nights watching movies with wine and chocolate, and no more mozzarella sticks.
The idea that you can completely rid yourself of anything that isn’t going to move the needle on your goals is unrealistic. This kind of thinking keeps us trapped in the cycle of white knuckling it through perfectionistic life overhauls, inevitable failure, and endless self-blame, eroding our self-confidence in the process.
Here’s why it’s super bad advice: our brains do not respond well to deprivation.
Even the suggestion that you get rid of any aspect of your life that you enjoy or that comforts you makes your brain shift into survival gear. You literally want more of what you “can’t” have, so it makes that “bad” habit seem even more necessary and appealing.
This is the very essence of diet culture, and the reason so many women stay trapped in the cycle of deprive-binge-fail.
Nothing about depriving yourself of comfort or pleasure will be fun or sustainable, and it locks you into a mindset of self-loathing.
You don’t succeed because this kind of change is designed for failure, but you blame yourself instead of the bass-ackwards system that set you up.
What if, instead of telling yourself you can’t have the things you enjoy, you ADDED the pleasure of feeling good and supporting your health (if that’s a goal for you)? What if your goal was balance, consistency, and small sustainable changes that would actually improve your life? What if you could have everything you want, and MORE?
Furthermore…and bear with me here because this is truly mind-blowing…what if ADDING in more supportive foods and calming practices and energizing movement actually filled some of the voids you’ve been trying to eradicate with late-night binges and a few too many glasses of wine?
Isn’t is empowering to think you could lovingly fill yourself up in productive ways and naturally create balance in your life?
Doesn’t that feel more hopeful than forcing yourself to stop practicing these “bad” habits that are actually very real and necessary coping mechanisms?
Times are tough, you need some comfort, and your brain isn’t going to respond well to snatching all the fun and support away. That’s deprivation, and it makes you crazy
Think about what you can ADD into your life today that will move you closer to where you want to be. I promise it will feel better and work better than taking all the fun and comforting things away.
Love, Teddey
